I: Ok, this constant incapability to take hold of these unrealistic feelings is really irritating me. I just drag myself down into uneasiness again and again like an addict who can’t help touching the killing substance, while totally aware it will only lead to a destructive end.
7: You know there’s always a catch if you fall in love! A fucking cancer, a tumour that bites you from inside-out! It’s the drug that first makes you high and then worthless and useless! You worked at this for over 6 months; you built back confidence, self-respect... happiness! You’re chasing ghosts again, fucker! No one can love you that way, it’s not for you, you’re not good enough for anyone, you’re just a piece of dirt on a muddy boot! And now you cry...
I: I don’t want to go back in that... please God give me strength to let it go... please keep me safe, please help me control myself... please stop my imagining and hoping and dreaming... please stop...
7: You shouldn’t have started it in the first place! You’re going down again just like you did before that summer. And you know what the cynicism in it is? - you can’t let it go because you always hope for something to be different and finally for a happy ending.
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